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Our parents mean the world to us, so it’s only natural that we are concerned about their future.
Some questions that come to mind are, will they be able to successfully live alone even as they age? What will happen when they are no longer able to drive, no longer able to maintain the house or remember to take their medication? Chances are that these and other concerns about their safety have led you to question whether it’s time to talk with your parents about senior living.
The conversation about considering senior living options may not be an easy one as many seniors may believe in old stereotypes of senior living communities and they may dislike the idea of “giving up” their independence. Conversations like these can be a sensitive topic, so it’s important to make sure you have the tools to be able to answer their questions and concerns.
Here are 5 tips for having a conversation with your aging parents about moving to senior living:
1.Prepare for the conversation with education
If your parents are open to hearing about senior living, they will probably have a lot of questions about the cost of living, living options, downsizing, timeframes, services included, and many other concerns. Not having answers to their questions can be a missed opportunity to help your parents become more familiar and comfortable with the concept of choosing a senior living.
Prepare yourself by reading about senior living options, communities near you, costs of senior living, and the services they offer for your loved one.
Many seniors have made the move to senior living: According to the National Center for Assisted Living, “around one million Americans live in some type of senior living community, and that number is expected to double by 2030.” Don’t hesitate to contact communities nearby, such as an Ivy Living community, for valuable information from experts on the benefits of senior living and their specific recommendations for your parents.
2. Put yourself in your parents’ shoes
Come into the conversation from a place of empathy. Even though you may clearly see the need for senior living care because of your parents’ struggles with hygiene, decreased housekeeping, poor driving, irregular medications, increased falls, forgetfulness, or low moods, your parents may refuse to see the concerns. Make sure to listen to what they have to say while keeping your options open.
Often, seniors do not acknowledge these concerns because they signal the reality of their own aging. Instead of listing all the things that you see as “wrong” or unsafe, try asking them open-ended questions such as the following:
- How have you been feeling physically? How has your health been?
- What kind of help do you foresee needing in the future?
- What would be the ideal living situation as you get older?
- How can I provide the best type of care for you?
3. Allow plenty of time for the conversation and find a private location to discuss their future and needs
Make sure the conversation takes place in a private location with plenty of uninterrupted time. Parents can feel caught off-guard by this conversation and sometimes will feel unprepared.
Your parents do not wish to lose their decision-making autonomy nor feel like their children are feeling sorry for them and will stop visiting. You can use language such as the following:
- The decision is yours. I want to help you consider all your options.
- I want you to be healthy for as long as possible so we can spend quality time together and by doing that, I want what’s best for you.
- I want to hear your concerns about the future, and how we can prepare ahead of time.
- I want to be there for you through this transition, you are never alone.
4. Include family in the conversation and don’t wait too long.
Be sure to include key family members, such as siblings, into the conversation. A brother may be more aware of a parent’s falls due to his frequent drives to the hospital. A sister may be more aware of a parents’ decreased cooking habits, as she frequently drops off meals. Gathering as many key family members as possible will reduce friction and ensure that every voice is heard and that this is a family decision made with the whole picture in mind.
Be sure to not wait too long to have the conversation. Having the talk before your parents’ health deteriorates or an emergency takes place ensures you will be prepared to carry out your parents’ care wishes promptly.
5. Follow up after the conversation and let them have a feel for what senior living is like.
The conversation about senior living options will be an ongoing one. It may be easy to feel like not much progress is being made, but each conversation is progress. Your parents will have ample time between each conversation to consider their desires for the next stage in their lives.
You can be seen as a helpful resource and an easy confidante as they ponder what they want for their future. Help them get excited by the possibilities–bring them to tour different senior living communities nearby so they can see the multitude of options offered for suiting their unique tastes.
Present senior living as an adventure. Your parents may feel a sense of loss of normalcy, but the joys of senior living outweigh the tough transition period. Invite friends who have moved to senior living communities to share their experiences. Join one of Ivy Living’s many excursions to the philharmonic or theater, or speak with our resident ambassador at one of our many events. There are so many ways for seniors to experience the joys that living at Ivy Living brings.
Speak with one of our knowledgeable team members today. We provide retirement living, assisted living, and memory care communities suited to the different needs of seniors. We take care of your loved one, so they can live the retirement lifestyle they’ve always wanted–active, engaging, and vibrant. Find a community near you and contact us today!
